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My decisions and my choices

Oh how on me they weigh

One grants my desires

On the other I must pray

I daily choose to love you

To be here by your side

But my job may soon evolve 

On this I must decide

I do not want to leave you

Even for a week

That’s why this job I have

Has become so bitter sweet

My salary shows my worth

On one side of the scale

And the other holds my value

It’s like a show and tell

As the purse strings start to close

And they look to free the load

Will they see my value

Or will my life explode

I know what I am worth

The value that I bring

I’m hoping that they see it

And the fat lady doesn’t sing

But if I have to make 

A decision at that time

I’ll choose the best decision

That keeps your heart in mine

Beginning in 2006, I started traveling weekly for work. It took me to all 50 state, Puerto Rico, Europe, Canada and the U.K. I loved it. I saw so many new places and faces. Met great people and ate such a variety of food that I can’t even remember half of it. I changed employers three times, but the road stayed consistent. With this last job, I traveled to the U.K. a lot to make projects happen that the local folk could not get to completion. That is why my friend and boss hired me. He knew my value and paid me what I am worth. About three years ago, I changed direction within the company to a more remote position creating online tutorials and getting back into the technical documentation side of things. This was a win for me as I started a new relationship and not being gone every week helped me build the love and trust I have to day with this wonderful woman. However, not being physically present has a disadvantage as well. It is hard for management to see the worth or your value and your potential value. My immediate boss knows what I do and can do for him presently and in the future. But the owner does not engage with me at all and only “sees” what I do when he is reminded by my boss. As companies struggle financially, they always cut low-hanging fruit. I am not a software engineer, mechanical engineer, sales guy, or anyone who is in the immediate spotlight anymore. I am a background employee supporting the frontline. I am still on call to travel to “save the day” as I did recently, but questions always linger as to whether or not my value justifies my worth. I recently took a temporary pay cut to help the company stay afloat (it was either that or be cut completely), and I managed. I believe in my company and the product we have and are bringing the market in the future. I have had a couple of potential offers to go and do something different with a couple of other companies, but my loyalty and choice of wanting to hang on to what I have being home everyday and being able to see my lady each night has kept me here, waiting on someone else’s choice to make me make a decision. All I can do is pray.