Protector

Do you know what a protector feels like when he can’t protect? I’ll let you know after I’m finished throwing up. Yea, that’s how it feels.

All my life, I’ve been the protector, comforter, cheerleader, disciplinarian, dad. But as our kids grow up, you start to fall by the wayside. Work takes you away. Life choices and decisions twist thing up.

I knew it was coming, but getting the text that your son is in the ER while you’re 1800 miles away can be nerve racking. He is 27, married, employed, etc, but he is my son. And I always feel the need to protect.

I know he will be ok. But dammit, this is the second time I’ve not been close enough to (at least) go look him in the eye and converse about the goings on.

I was supposed to go see him last weekend, but the four letter word got in the way.

W

O

R

K

Although I’m teetering on the edge “should I change my schedule”, I’m not doing it. He’s not terminal and although they’re looking at his head to see what’s causing his issues, there’s nothing I could do anyway.

So I will let him be observed and give me updates and I will do what I need and want to do until I am truly required there; if I am required at all.

So how does a protector cope? He has faith. Faith in the belief there is a higher entity controlling all things and allowing both good and bad to coexists.

A protector has friends he can reach out to for discussion. And some protectors are lucky enough to have someone special they can immerse themselves in long enough to give them distraction and a clear head.

For the record, my head’s not clear. Lol

Enjoy life for it can be gone in an instant.